As we remember our deceased loved ones, we pray that they will be purified of anything that prevents union with God
At the invitation of a family I’ve known for quite some time, I recently presided at the funeral of the family’s matriarch. The loss of a loved one is a combination of many things. It can be traumatic and a release, a time of grieving and final relaxation.
On All Souls’ Day, our annual celebration honoring the departed, we pray for and remember those whom we have known and those who have been forgotten by the world. It is a great gift for a human to be seen and remembered, and this feast allows us to do both for all who have died.
You might want to start with family members, especially those who have died recently. The memory of their loss is pretty fresh, but sometimes we try to quit remembering so that it doesn’t hurt so bad. Don’t be afraid to let that pain increase so that you can remember. In remembering, we honor the people who have gone before us, and we remain partners with them in our communal road to salvation and the coming of the kingdom of God.
When praying for the dead, have you ever tried to put into words why or what you were praying for? There are a variety of reasons, but I thought I’d share the one that I pray most when I remember the dead. We can only picture what happens after death, but there does seem to be a journey or passageway that involves purification. Different images try to help us understand that better, and I’ll offer you mine.
We strive to live good and holy lives, but none of us is perfect; we are all sinners. We know that one of the effects of sin is to create a distance between God and us. That distance is not caused by God choosing not to love us, but it is caused by our choices to move away from God. Our passage to eternity is a passage of purification from anything that keeps us from accepting God’s pure and unconditional love. Those of us who have been truly loved know that love is hard to allow into ourselves. It’s embarrassing to be loved so deeply, and oftentimes we feel like we don’t deserve it or haven’t earned it. Imagine God attempting to love us unconditionally, but we know that we for sure have not earned it. We are praying that those who have died can keep saying yes to God’s love forever, until that yes is pure.
Some people spent a good portion of their lives either denying that God exists or acting in ways that seem to be against the will of God. I can imagine that without practicing God’s love here on earth, it might be more difficult to say yes to God in that journey to eternity. We also have to remember that Jesus tells us that it will be very difficult to trust us to enter the kingdom of God. Some of us might die thinking we deserve God’s unconditional love or that we have earned it because of our religious practice or even the choices we made in life. How arrogant we can be sometimes to even imagine that we could do anything to earn God’s love.
I hope it makes as much sense to you as it does to me to pray for those who have died. It is a great way for me to remember those whom I have known and loved and who have gone before me. It brings tears to my eyes, an ache in my heart and a gratitude for having known them. I pray that their yes is pure and eternal.
If you’re able to spend extra time before or after Mass this weekend, whisper a prayer for those who have died. You may have your own words or prayers to offer for the sake of those who have gone before us, or you might want to offer some of the rote prayers that we have learned, such as the Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be. Take a moment to try to picture in your mind that person’s face, to say their name and to remember them with love. In the midst of that prayer, let your heart be healed a little more and your hope be deepened.
