Program pairs veteran couples with engaged couples for marriage preparation and beyond
As Jacob Gearon and Mackenzie Wilson eagerly anticipate their September wedding day, some of their most important preparation happens from the comfy couches in the Smock family’s front living room.
The engaged couple regularly meets with Jill and Dave Smock, married for 43 years, to share a meal and talk through spiritual and practical components of marriage.
“We’ve talked about how to keep a marriage grounded in God, first and foremost, and how that can lead me to be a better husband to her and her a better wife to me,” Jacob said.
Jacob and Mackenzie, both parishioners at Sacred Heart in Crystal City, will continue to meet with the Smocks after their wedding day into the first few months of marriage. It’s a new model of marriage mentorship introduced in the past year in the Southern Vicariate to support couples as they enter into the sacrament.
“They really make you dig deep,” Mackenzie said. “And it’s not just us giving examples about our life and saying where we struggle; they’ve related it to their lives as well, and tell us where they’ve struggled and how they’ve gotten over that. …Being able to share, and have someone relate to it, and relate it back to God and how to grow from that experience, has really been a game-changer.”
The Side-by-Side marriage mentorship program is a new initiative that pairs a veteran married couple with an engaged couple, ideally in the same parish, to lead them through marriage preparation and the first months of newlywed life. The program, one of a handful of options for Catholic marriage preparation in the Archdiocese of St. Louis, is currently offered at six parishes in the Southern Vicariate, with more mentor couple trainings in the works.
The mentorship curriculum, which draws on both written lessons and videos from sources like Father Mike Schmitz, covers topics including the theology of the sacrament of marriage, natural family planning, prayer, Theology of the Body, communication skills, finances, goal-setting and conflict resolution. Each engaged couple writes an original mission statement for their marriage. The Smocks encourage hanging the statement in their house.
The two-on-two sessions give the Smocks the chance to form a real mentoring relationship with the engaged couples, going deeper in vulnerability than would be possible in a larger group setting. They first meet with a couple for Mass and breakfast, laying a foundation that makes it easier to dive in to the content of the sessions when they start.
Dave and Jill, parishioners at Our Lady in Festus, both readily share their own life experiences, including their past struggles with addictions. They sought help through a couples’ recovery group, where they were mentored by men and women who had many more years of experience in sobriety. That experience was one of the reasons they felt called to minister to younger couples, Dave said.
“It’s something we really felt called to do, to bring what we’ve learned and what we’ve been through and share it with couples that are coming along, because it’s not easy, and it takes work, and it takes dying to yourself,” Dave said.
Through the hard times in their marriage, they leaned on the vows they made and asked God for continued grace from the sacrament. The most important thing they convey to engaged couples is the truth of the covenant they are entering into: one that is free, total, fruitful and faithful, Jill said. “If we can get them to understand how important it is to have a sacramental marriage, then I feel like we’ve done what we were supposed to do.”
Serving as a mentor couple has helped Dave and Jill examine ways they can continue to grow in their own marriage, they said. They’ve recently been working on praying more together, and they share their ongoing struggles and growth as they go.
“What I pray for is that any time (a couple) is struggling, they know they can call us, and we’ll be there to help them, not to give advice, but to share our experience, strength and hope,” Dave said. “Because that’s all we have.”
Cheyenne and Neil Parrish prepared for marriage with the Smocks’ mentorship, leading up to their wedding on June 14.
“One thing we definitely got from Dave and Jill is, we understand how to apply faith into our relationship and also how to navigate the good times, the bad times, the hard decisions that you have to make in a marriage,” Neil said.
The Parrishes are only a month and a half into married life, but they’ve already taken one lesson from the Smocks into their daily practice: praying together every night.
“(Praying together) definitely strengthens the bond,” Neil said. “It’s the last thing you do before you go to sleep at night.”
They’re looking forward to continuing to meet with the Smocks now, post-wedding — and to have, they hope, friends for life.
“There’s an age disparity, so I don’t know that we would have developed the friendship that we have with them had it not been for the program,” Neil said. “And now I can see them being lifelong friends that we can talk to, navigating disagreements or big decisions — they’re a trusted source that are going to give us faith-centered advice.”
Side-by-Side Marriage Mentorship
The Side-by-Side marriage mentorship program trains veteran married couples to mentor engaged couples before and after their wedding day. To learn more about the program and training opportunities, contact Southern Vicariate pastoral ministry director Jennifer Meehan at jmeehan@archstl.org.
Jubilant Marriages
Jubilant Marriages is an initiative launched earlier this year by the archdiocesan Office of Marriage and Family Life to share resources to help married couples recognize the gift and sacramental nature of their marriages. To learn more and check out the resources, visit archstl.org/jubilant-marriages.
