Pro-life ministry at Incarnate Word Parish is reimagined to provide relational, direct support to mothers
With her third child on the way, Alex White had a lot on her mind. How would she would manage finances, run a household and maintain her job, all while being the mom she wants to be to her kids?
With less than a week before her due date, White shared her anxieties at an Embrace Grace support group on a Saturday morning in September at Incarnate Word Church in Chesterfield. She also told the women in the group, which included parishioners and one other new mom, that she needed to lean on the people she could trust.
“These children give me a purpose, and it’s the motivation to want to provide for them and be a good example for them,” she said.
Across the table, Destiny Tucker listened — she welcomed a baby in August, about a month ahead of Alex — and then offered some advice: “When you realize you don’t have as much control as you think you do, there’s peace in that,” she said. “Do what you have to do — be responsible. But the worrying part, we really don’t have control over that.”
As someone who can look back and see where God was present, “Years later I’d be like, ‘Oh yeah, God did this, God did that,’” Tucker said. “But now I’m getting to see it in the physical, in real time. It’s amazing.”
Embrace Grace is one piece of a larger pro-life effort at Incarnate Word. The 12-week support group is part of the parish’s new House of Refuge ministry, which provides one-on-one mentoring to mothers and fathers who seek additional support during pregnancy and beyond.
House of Refuge grew out of a simple idea — that every child, however conceived, is worthy of life and love, and that no woman facing an unplanned pregnancy should have to face it alone, ministry volunteer and Embrace Grace coordinator Cindy Reznikov said. Parishioners receive training to walk alongside mothers, offering practical and emotional support before and after birth, connecting families with resources and encouraging fathers to step into their role as well, she said.
Reznikov has been involved in her parish’s pro-life ministry for nearly 15 years, organizing fundraising drives, baby showers and other efforts to support local pregnancy resource centers. Several years ago, pastor Father Kevin Schroeder asked the group to consider a new direction.
His request came from a broader effort to align all of the parish’s ministries around the idea of moving people closer to God. Whether it’s a single mom in crisis or someone in the pew who has been Catholic their whole life, both should come away changed by a relationship, he said.
The parish’s existing pro-life efforts — collecting basic necessities and raising funds — had been good work but weren’t making the kind of difference the parish is called to pursue, which is centered on a desire to build sustained relationships through its ministries, Father Schroeder said.
“It’s not just a problem to solve, but it’s a real person,” he said.
Conversations led the pro-life ministry to House of Refuge, a program under Love Life, an independent nonprofit Christian organization that trains churches for one-on-one mentoring. They also tapped into Embrace Grace, another nonprofit that offers churches group support resources for single, pregnant women and young mothers facing unexpected pregnancies.
Both programs are fundamentally about getting parishioners involved directly, Reznikov said. “We want to empower people in the parish to help their co-worker, their niece, their neighbor,” she said. “One of my biggest missions, being involved in the pro-life movement, is to get this going and to encourage other Catholic churches in St. Louis to do this. There are moms out there who need support. These moms need help regardless of the (abortion) laws and the back and forth.”
Parishioners who have undergone training are paired one-on-one with expectant or new mothers and fathers for ongoing mentorship, while Embrace Grace runs as a 12-week small group twice a year for women. Together, the two efforts are designed to meet women wherever they are — whether that’s the shock of an unexpected pregnancy or the exhaustion of caring for a newborn months later.
One-on-one support
Brenda Hackmann and her husband, Matt, jointly mentor a couple referred through Women’s Care Connect, a program of Coalition Life. She described having a close relationship with the couple as they navigate material needs, limited family support and the added responsibility of caring for a family member.
The parish’s shift toward one-on-one support has helped bring a human face to the need, Brenda Hackmann said.
Parishioners have stepped up to help in different ways, too. Some have expressed interest in becoming mentors and participating in Embrace Grace, and the pro-life ministry’s Flocknote list has grown to more than 180 people. Parishioners also have offered practical and professional help, including painting, accounting, legal advice and help with car repairs.
Putting faces to those needs has drawn more people into the ministry and encouraged them to help parents build stable lives for them and their children, Hackmann said.
”People think that we’re helping people, but what I found, especially with our couple, is that they’re helping us too,” she said. “Somebody told me, ‘You’re showing the love of Christ to them,’ and I said, ‘you know what, they’re showing the love of Christ to us, too.’ It’s been a blessing, and it goes both ways.”
House of Refuge also steps in when someone’s needs might go beyond what other parish ministries can offer. Kierra (who requested that her last name not be used) initially was connected to Incarnate Word through the parish’s St. Vincent de Paul conference. As her situation called for additional support, she was paired with House of Refuge mentor Mary Clemens — a relationship that has continued since her baby was born in April.
Kierra was a few months shy of her due date when the two met. She was going through some medical challenges during the pregnancy, and they began meeting occasionally for lunch or dinner, staying in touch by text in between their meetings. House of Refuge also hosted a baby shower for her — which is another way parishioners who aren’t involved in one-on-one mentoring can help the ministry.
As a busy mom of two who recently went back to school, Kierra said she’s appreciated the support, including a meal train when her child was born, as well as their budding friendship. As they two have gotten to know one another, Kierra described the relationship as “amazing.”
“You don’t have to be around Kierra long to know what kind of heart she has,” Clemens said.
More information
House of Refuge at Incarnate Word: incarnate-word.org/house-of-refuge-pro-life-ministry
Embrace Grace: www.embracegrace.com
House of Refuge: lovelife.org/house-of-refuge
Those who would like to learn more about starting a ministry at their parish should email iw.refuge@gmail.com.
