Bill and Cathy Gilmore share advice for couples seeking reconciliation, healing
In their 41 years of marriage, Cathy and Bill Gilmore have experienced separation, reconciliation and spiritual growth.
In the mid-1990s, the Gilmores were struggling in their marriage. They separated when their two daughters were toddlers.
“I truly believe there was a spiritual battle going on big time,” Cathy said. “I envisioned it like there was a demon sitting on top of our house that wanted this marriage to end.”
Despite early efforts to reconcile, a counselor suggested divorce. Neither were ready to give up that quickly.
“In my heart, I was like, ‘God, I don’t ever see a path forward for this marriage,’” Cathy said. “I was so angry and so hurting. I slammed my fists on the dining room table, and I said, ‘God, I dare you to fix this marriage.’ It was all the door opening that God needed.”
Within 24 hours, Cathy received a phone call from someone in her small faith group at church who asked how they could help the Gilmores sort through their difficulties. Meanwhile, Bill had attended a Cursillo retreat and had the whole group praying for his marriage. These were two examples of the numerous ways the couple found healing.
The watershed moment was when Cathy showed up at Bill’s house one Christmas morning and told him: “God is making me give our marriage one more try. Are you willing?”
Through their perseverance, spiritual healing and support from the faith community, the Gilmores began to reconcile about a year after they had separated. They started to find peace and joy as they began the process of rebuilding their marriage. They eventually adopted a son from Guatemala. All three of their children are now grown adults.
The Gilmores recommend these approaches to couples who are experiencing distress in their marriage:
Couples are encouraged to remember their courtship and dating years and to keep God at the center of their marriage. Engaging in spiritual practices such as eucharistic adoration before going on dates will help them to become grounded in their relationship with God first.
Understand that healing takes time. We live in a culture of immediate gratification, but couples shouldn’t expect growth and healing to happen overnight. Give God room and time to work within the marriage.
Address psychological and spiritual wounds as part of the healing process. Resources such as a Retrouvaille retreat, healing prayer through the Catholic Renewal Center or a Catholic counselor are resources to aid in healing.
Other resources
Retrouvaille offers retreats in English and Spanish for those in struggling marriages. helpourmarriage.org
The Catholic Renewal Center offers healing prayer and spiritual direction to help husbands and wives overcome spiritual struggles in their marriages. www.archstl.org/about/offices-and-agencies/catholic-renewal-center/
Marriage counseling is available through several resources:
My Catholic Doctor (telehealth counseling): mycatholicdoctor.com/catholic-mental-health.
Catholic Counselors.com: catholiccounselors.com/about-us
CatholicTherapists.com: www.catholictherapists.com
Saint Louis Counseling: saintlouiscounseling.org
