Gabriel’s Retreat Ministries hosted first men’s Michael’s Retreat in February
Gabriel Pope is a veteran father, but when he and his wife, Emily, found out they were expecting a new baby in 2024, it was a shock to the system.
With four children already, the Popes thought they were probably done having kids. They had given away the crib, the high chair, and while they knew “every child is a blessing,” he said, it took some time to wrap his head around starting the baby stage again.
“For me, it was mentally preparing myself, because as a father, as a man, I’m like, ‘OK, I’ve got to do better. I need a bigger house, a bigger car. That’s where my mind went — I’ve got to be able to provide even better for my family,” he said.
“It took a lot of prayer to know — we’re going to get through this, and to reaffirm to Emily to same thing.”
Pope was one of five men who attended Gabriel’s Retreat Ministries’ first retreat for men in February. The men’s retreat, known as Michael’s Retreat, is a new offering from the ministry, which was founded by Shawna DuBois in 2021 with the goal of bringing hope and peace to women facing unexpected pregnancies. It started with free weekend women’s retreats and has expanded to include motherhood support groups and classes on topics like breastfeeding and infant care.
The men’s retreat, similarly designed for any men who are new fathers or who are experiencing some of kind unexpectedness in their fatherhood, included several talks from experienced fathers on the retreat team, time for prayer, Mass and confession, as well as Capture the Flag and a woodworking project.
Pope, a parishioner at St. Joseph in Imperial, was especially inspired by a talk on dealing with different challenges that can come from different kids, and the importance of taking the time to understand each child’s unique personality. One of Pope’s sons has ADHD and educational autism, he said. “Hearing (the speaker’s) story really inspired me to just slow down to understand my son a little bit better.”
He also came home from the retreat inspired to better support his wife, who stays home with their children. It can be as simple as making sure he’s pulling his weight with housework or taking the kids into the basement when he gets home from work and playing with them to give his wife a break after a long day. “So the kids now understand, it’s mommy time, and we’re going to stay in the basement or go outside,” he said.
Another highlight of the retreat was bonding with the other dads, he said. The chance to also openly share about the struggles fathers face was important.
“A lot of men don’t talk about their feelings. A lot of men don’t talk about the weight of the world that is on your shoulders, as a father, as a man, as a husband. We as men tend to keep those things to ourselves,” he said. “What I’ve noticed is being on a retreat, guys tend to be more vulnerable with other guys…they can give you this insight about, ‘hey, man, I dealt with this experience, and this is how I overcame it.’”
The mission and the battle
Retreat director Peter DuBois — founder Shawna DuBois’ husband — explained “retreat” to the men in military terms: a tactical maneuver soldiers use to pull back to a fortified location to rest, heal and reorganize.
“Soldiers are also given missions and sent back out in the battle,” he said. “This is kind of the crux of the retreat, as we relay the mission and purpose to our new fathers is to get their families to heaven.”
A lot of new dads are coming in with the question: Do I have what it takes?
“That’s kind of in the back of their minds as they’re getting ready for this new fatherhood,” he said. “It’s like, OK, I’m going from zero to one, or I’m going from four to five. Do I have what it takes to raise this child and to provide and protect them?”
The first part of the retreat focused on identity — not just as a new father, but first as a beloved son of God, DuBois said. “A lot of times, especially new dads, they don’t have that identity. They don’t have that understanding of who I am and what am I getting into here. And they feel almost lost.”
DuBois, a father of four and parishioner at Sacred Heart in Valley Park, experienced that feeling when he found out Shawna was unexpectedly pregnant with their first child.
In prayer, he told God, “I’m going to trust you with helping me raise this child and really rely on you. I’ll do my part to help raise the child as best I can, in loving you, and then I’m going to ask you to help do the rest,” he said. “I told the guys (on retreat), I couldn’t believe how much more comforted I was by that.”
Sometimes it can be difficult for men, often oriented toward action, to just “be held for a minute. Let the Lord love you (instead) of trying to do something,” DuBois said. This idea of retreat extends past the weekend and into the day-to-day, he added.
“Taking time in prayer every day — that’s what we really need to do to be able to get ourselves armed for the day, whether it’s reading the Bible every day, saying a Rosary or something,” he said. “It’s understanding that we can’t be out there fighting 100% of the time; we’ve got to be able to take care of ourselves, too.”
‘Born for this’
Deacon Michael Thompson remembers very clearly how he felt when he found out he was going to be a father.
“I remember when my wife told me she was pregnant. We had been married four years. I was just short of 34 years old, and while you have great joy, I was also terror-struck by the fact that I’m going to be responsible for this child,” he said.
Now, as a father of an adult child (with a second lost to miscarriage), he’s there to walk alongside younger dads who are experiencing the realization that “your life will never be the same,” he said.
“I think that this retreat provided that opportunity for them to realize, hey, no matter what you’re going through, what your worries or anxieties are, you’re not alone. You have this group of people behind you,” he said. “…Because there is no manual that comes with the baby; there’s no instruction book. It’s like you got the package from IKEA but there’s no directions — you’ve got to figure it out. And that can be difficult sometimes, but there’s the realization that there are people that have gone through it already. Whatever it is, somebody’s already gone through it at one point in time” and can accompany you along the way.
Deacon Thompson, who serves at Assumption Parish in south St. Louis County, has been involved with Gabriel’s Retreat Ministries for a few years, giving talks on women’s retreats before serving on the men’s retreat team. One quote that he references often in his talks comes from St. Joan of Arc: “I am not afraid. God is with me. I was born for this.”
“It really reflects everything we do as Christians, but it also reflects very much as being a parent,” he said.
An attitude of gratitude
Retreat team member Mark Sallee was introduced to Gabriel’s Retreat Ministries through the experience of his daughter, Sammi, who attended the ministry’s first retreat in 2022 when she was pregnant with her son, Jaxon.
Sallee was raised Catholic but stopped attending Mass after eighth grade. He came back to the faith when his grandson was born, which felt like a miracle after Sammi had been diagnosed with cancer right before she found out she was pregnant.
“Once that baby was born, I just knew that was the work of God and there’s no denying it,” he said. “…We ask God all the time to show us a sign, or just want some kind of affirmation that He’s real. And when He drops something like that in your lap, you can’t deny it.”
When Sallee, now a parishioner at Immaculate Conception in Old Monroe, heard there was going to be a men’s retreat, he jumped at the chance to give back to the ministry that has profoundly affected his family and his faith.
“It’s a good thing for men to be around other men who are good role models. And as Christians, it is our responsibility to be good role models for the younger people,” he said.
He encouraged the young fathers to “focus on the blessings instead of the struggle,” he said. In his own prayer life, he’s been making an effort to focus more on gratitude than just petition.
“The faith and the (Church’s) teachings are really instrumental in keeping you grounded and moving in the right direction. You don’t have to get all the way there today,” he said. “As parents…you pick your battles day to day. And you know, some days we win and some days you don’t win. But there’s absolutely joys and blessings, and they should be treated as such.”
Lessons in faith-filled fatherhood
From the Michael’s Retreat team
Remember your own identity as a son of God. “God’s here with you as a parent, and God is with you as a man. And if you look to Him for strength, He’ll give it to you.” — Mark Sallee
Take time for prayer every day. “That’s what we really need to do to be able to get ourselves armed for the day, whether it’s reading the Bible every day, saying a Rosary or something. It’s understanding that we can’t be out there fighting 100% of the time; we’ve got to be able to take care of ourselves, too.” — Peter DuBois
Stay focused on what is really important. “One of the lessons I’ve learned over time — and it took me a long time to learn this — is that sometimes failure is OK…Sometimes we focus so much on trying to be the perfect dad that we forget about just understanding that our main role as fathers is to lead our families to the Lord, helping our children to love the Lord.” — Peter DuBois
Support the mother of your child. Fathers can make an impact “whether it’s through their service, or sometimes even just the words they say to their wives. A lot of these new mothers just need to be reassured and told that they’re loved.”— Peter DuBois
Find other men to walk with on the journey of fatherhood. “There is no manual that comes with the baby; there’s no instruction book. It’s like you got the package from IKEA but there’s no directions — you’ve got to figure it out. And that can be difficult sometimes, but there’s the realization that there are people that have gone through it already. Whatever it is, somebody’s already gone through it at one point in time” and can accompany you along the way. — Deacon Michael Thompson
Michael’s Retreat
The next Michael’s Retreat for fathers will be held Nov. 14-16 at Il Ritiro Retreat Center in Dittmer. The free retreat is open to any expecting father or father of a child under 2 years old. Register online at gabrielsretreat.org/6-2/michaels-retreats/.
To learn more about Gabriel’s Retreat Ministries, including how to volunteer or donate, visit gabrielsretreat.org.
