I want to go to confession, but I’m self-conscious about what other people will think of me when they see me standing in line. Do you have any advice?
As a young adult, standing in line for confession was about as uncomfortable as avoiding making eye contact with strangers in an elevator. We all seem to pretend that no one else can see us, and we pray with great anticipation that we’ll be out of this situation soon! We’re all there lined up to go and confess our sins, and it can feel like we’re waiting to go into the principal’s office.
Our imagination can start to run wild, including thoughts like:
“I wonder what people are thinking about me standing in line going to confession?”
“I wonder what she or he did that brought them to this point of waiting in line, too?”
“It’s going to be so awkward if I bump into any of these people later on since they know that I needed to go to confession!”
Thoughts like these can prevent us from receiving the sacrament of reconciliation for long periods. It’s important to discern where thoughts like these that seek to keep us separated from God’s love and mercy come from.
Once we start praying about it, it becomes obvious that these thoughts are not from God. God desires to draw us closer to His heart through the healing of His grace and mercy. The devil seeks to sow lies in our hearts to keep us isolated from God’s love.
Rather than allowing lies from the evil one to swirl in our minds and hearts — lies that seek to bring shame and isolation from God’s love — we should instead focus on the great gifts God desires to bestow upon us through His sacraments. Instead of feeling embarrassed standing in line for confession, we should pray for our fellow brothers and sisters who need God’s healing.
I’m not saying that we’re proud of our sinfulness as we await confession, but we can be proud of our brothers and sisters for responding with the gifts of the Holy Spirit, like fortitude, in their acknowledgement of their sinfulness and seeking God’s healing!
The same is true every time we gather together in our parishes for Mass; as we look around the church, do we see the reality that we are there together as brothers and sisters to praise our God and to receive the gift of Jesus in the Eucharist, not because we deserve Him, but because we acknowledge our need of and total reliance on God’s grace?
Lent can be an incredible season for purification and renewal of our minds and hearts before entering into the Easter celebration. How is the Lord seeking to draw each of us closer to His heart?
Father Dan Kavanagh is director of the Catholic Deaf Ministry in the Archdiocese of St. Louis.
