Annual Mass is way for families to remember loved ones as they approach the Christmas season
The Advent and Christmas seasons take on a different approach for the Rothweiler family since losing a child 13 years ago.
Dan and Kathleen Rothweiler’s third son, Peter, died at the age of 3 from a cancerous tumor that they didn’t know about until months after his death. Through their grief, the Rothweilers and their other children found comfort in their Catholic faith, particularly attending Mass.
One such faith tradition that they’ve participated in is the annual Mass in Memory of Our Children, which is celebrated on the second Sunday of December for families who have lost a child of any age. Held at the Basilica of St. Louis, King of France (Old Cathedral), the Mass dates back to 1983 and originally was an outreach of Catholic Cemeteries, later to be taken on by volunteers.
The Rothweilers, members of St. Alban Roe Parish in Wildwood, had attended the Mass a few times in the late 1990s and early 2000s to show support for the family of Dan’s cousin who died in 1996. Later, when Peter died, the family began attending the Mass in his memory.
The Rothweilers found comfort in the Mass during a dark period when they didn’t immediately know why their son had died, Kathleen said. “People were calling me and they were angry about losing their own children,” she recalled. “I thank God for those God moments … all the things that happened in the weeks after (Peter’s death), because that told me that there is a God and that I should lean on Him instead of being angry.”
At the Mass, the Rothweilers and others in attendance receive a slip of paper to write their child’s name. During the offertory, they process up to the altar and place the paper in a basket, and the priest reads the names aloud during the eucharistic prayer. Kathleen said hearing their son’s name spoken has been an important way of keeping his memory alive.
The Rothweilers’ two sons, Nathan and Ryan, now in college, have been servers at the Mass, and their daughter, Meghan, who was born after Peter died, volunteers to bring the slip of paper with her brother’s name on it to the altar. This year, the Rothweilers’ nephews have volunteered as altar servers.
Many of the faces they see at the Mass have become familiar to the Rothweilers, Dan said. “Most of them, we don’t know their story. There’s clearly people there that have visible grief, but they’re there every year,” he said. “Some of them are elderly, and every once in a while, we’ll see a very young couple there that — maybe that was us 13 years ago.”
Father Mitch Doyen has presided at the Mass for the past decade and emphasizes to participants that their children are fully present as part of the communion of saints, a spiritual bond of the faithful on earth, the souls in purgatory and the saints in heaven.
“I thank them for their faith and presence, because they become living witnesses to our confidence that love is more powerful than death,” Father Doyen said. “For those who gather (at the Mass), they bring their faith and in the presence of others, they entrust this connection of souls and celebrate the Eucharist in a way to encourage each other. They say ‘yes’ to the resurrection of life in a powerful way, and that becomes a witness for all of us.”
Peter left an impression upon everyone he met and he had a kind heart, Kathleen said. The day before he died, Peter raced bikes with a friend and after winning several times, he held back on the last race to let his friend win.
“He was a serious kid, but when he smiled, he lit up a room,” Kathleen said. “Everyone would comment, ‘Oh, my three sons, they’re so adorable.’ After he died, people reached out with I don’t know how many letters and gifts. It was amazing in the three years that he was alive, how many lives he actually was able to touch.”
It’s been important for the Rothweilers to stay grounded in their faith and for their other children to lean toward God, too. It’s a big reason why the family added daily Mass on Mondays for the first year after Peter’s death.
“Our faith really plays more of a role, even more than just prayer,” Kathleen said. “Prayer is the product of our faith — so if we didn’t have that deep belief, I don’t think we would have been able to rely on prayer.”
Mass in Memory of Our Children
The Annual Mass in Memory of Our Children will be celebrated at 2 p.m. Sunday, Dec. 14 at the Basilica of St. Louis, King of France (Old Cathedral), 209 Walnut St. in Downtown St. Louis. Father Mitch Doyen will be the celebrant. The Mass is an annual tradition that provides families who have lost a child of any age with a way to include them in their Christmas celebrations. All are welcome. For more information, contact Cindy Swain at (314) 313-1701.
